It’s 2012!

I know, old news, right? You all had your bubbly, kissed your significant other, and ushered in the new year in style (or in my case you drank sparkling apple juice, laughed at the way your significant other mumbled ‘happy new year,’ and then barely made it past midnight before “the baby” woke up and demanded that you come to bed RIGHT NOW). New years is old hat, pshaw!

And its probably to soon for new years resolutions to be trendy again. But you know what? I’m not the trendy type. SO here are my new years resolutions. Despite the fact that research shows that if you share your goals before completing them you are less likely to, in fact, complete them (and no I don’t have a source for that research…), here they are. Because I am the exception rather than the norm, clearly.

1) Blog more (hence, this post). I don’t care if anyone reads this, really, but I do love to write. If someone finds value in my writing that’s cool. But if I only get one page view a month (hi mom!) than that’s cool to. I’m not going to define ‘more’ because then I have a less chance of failing, right? Wrong? Ok, lets say MORE than I posted in 2011. Which was not very much…

2) Try not to die of fatigue Convince Dylan he loves sleep. When I figure out how to achieve this one I’ll get back to you.

3) Start up and run the most awesomest daycare ever. Because I need to make money I love kids and I love my son and want to be able to stay home with him.

4) Make and stick to a food budget… otherwise we might only get to eat for two weeks a month. We are moving in two weeks and our rent is going up by about 1/2 of our current food “budget” (I use that term in its loosest sense).

5) And of course the whole eat-better-exercise-lose-weight-blah-blah-crap that I have to put in there or the new years resolution bureau would reject my resolutions.

And there you have it folks (aka. Mom). Now you get to hold me to those. Aren’t you lucky.

In 2011 I didn’t make any resolutions. I was to concerned about pushing a certain someone out of my… you know… and not killing that same certain someone. I am happy to share I DID push him out and he is still alive. And so are Greg and I. It was a good year

And here he is, in all his baby glory:

The reason 2011 was the best year ever!

What happens this week…

…is not the same as what will happen next week, and it’s definitely not the same as it was last week!

Life with a baby is always changing. Just a few weeks ago Dylan took 3 naps a day. Now we are down to 2. A few months ago he was barely rolling, now he’s almost walking. Tomorrow, he will be just a little bit bigger than he was today.

A very new little Dylan

One thing that has changed and that I have been ‘mourning’ the ‘loss’ of, is Mr. D’s ability to fall asleep in his crib on his own (he did it from 1 month to about 7 months). He used to be great at this. I would nurse him before bed, plop him in his crib, give him a pacifier (which he’d usually just play with) and then within minutes he’d be in dreamland.

Now? Fall asleep without nursing? No friggin way. And if there is one thing that “They” tell you NOT-TO-DO-UNDER-ANY-CIRCUMSTANCE-IF-YOU-WANT-YOUR-BABY-TO-EVER-SLEEP it is nurse your baby to sleep.

Umm yeah, no. Don’t listen to “Them.”

There are lots of reasons WHY babies fall asleep at the boob, which I won’t delve into here. And I noticed that along with wanting to nurse to sleep Dylan has wanted to nurse more in general. Which I’m happy to oblige since we pretty much have a don’t-let-the-baby-cry-if-you-can-help-it policy in this house (acid reflux is so much fun).

And both his nursing to sleep AND nursing more has coincided with a huge increase in his mobility, and his awareness of our separation. I think this is likely freaking him out a bit and making him feel less secure, and nursing helps him feel more secure as he learns, grows, and explores. So of course I can, and should, oblige him to ensure that he and I maintain our connection and that he stays the happy, content, and outgoing kid that he is.

And who knows, maybe next week he won’t want to nurse to sleep any more, and will be back to wanting to roll around his crib instead. Maybe not, but thats OK too.

So Big!

I feel confident that he wont be 5 and still wanting to nurse to sleep (and I’m confident that he will give up nursing a LOT sooner than 5, just incase you were wondering). I feel confident that he WILL be a good sleeper (eventually) despite the big faux pas of parenting that I am making. And you know what, I can tell you that I am not the only mom that feels this way.

Go with your gut, and accept that things will always change form one day/week/month/year to the next. And that is a GOOD thing.

xox.

Our little pumpkin!

Tags: change, growing up, nursing, sleep

I have a cookie in my mouth…

I know, not exactly late breaking news, but it’s true. I am eating a cookie as I type this. Why is this a big deal, you ask? Well, I suppose it’s not really but it is odd. I never craved sweets before I had Dylan, and now? I’m a 3+ cookies a day kind of gal. Which would explain a few things: 1) I haven’t lost the baby weight, and 2) why we keep getting recurrent thrush ’round these parts (Greg not included in this ‘we’) (if you don’t know what this is… you don’t want to know).

It also explains the increase in our grocery bill (but not our budget). I think it is time to go cold turkey on the sweets. It hurts me a little to write that, but it is time.

Good bye cookies, good bye chocolate. It’s been nice, we’ve had our fun, but my waistline, my body, and my breastfeeding baby will thank me. We might meet again someday. Maybe.

(I can do this, right?)

Tags: cold turkey, losing the baby weight, sugar

Fears

When I was pregnant with Dylan my biggest fear was that I wouldn’t be able to love him enough. I know, it sounds crazy. But I really wasn’t sure if I had it in me. I wasn’t sure if I was up to the task of loving another human being, unconditionally, with all my heart. Honestly, I questioned whether anyone could love that deeply.

But the moment he was born and placed on my chest my heart absolutely burst. And every day I love him more and more, and it seems impossible but it’s true.

Now, I worry that I love him to much! Sometimes I worry that I will spoil him and create an absolute monster for myself. But I’ve decided to throw caution to the wind, and just love on my little boy at every opportunity. Life is to short. I’m not going to let some abstract fear of a hypothetical diabolical toddler get me down. I’m just going to do what feels right and natural and go with it. And give my boy as much love as he can possibly handle. It’s good for my soul, and his too.

Some oldie’s but goodies (from our baby shower, Dylan is 1 month old):

 

 

 

Tags: fear, Love, old pictures

Life Changing

Many people have asked me how my life has changed since having a baby. Many ways! Many wonderful ways. I get less sleep for one, but it’s a small price to pay for all the joy I get every day. Here are some other ways my life has changed (for the better) since my beautiful boy came into the world:

1) I laugh. A lot. Several times a day. Seriously, my boy is a constant source of entertainment and giggles!

2) I’ve made new friends that I probably wouldn’t have made without the common thread of motherhood.

3) I get to watch a beautiful baby grown and learn new things daily

4) Motherhood has given me new perspectives on whats really important, where my shortcomings are, and has motivated me to change for the better

5) I get outside. A lot. Usually daily, and usually more than once. No more being stuck indoors at work on beautiful days!

Some things are hard, and different, and maybe could be seen as ‘negative,’ but I’m in a good mood tonight and I don’t want to ruin it. Happy November 1st! Here is one of my favourite pictures, taken by my boy’s very talented father:

Is he a baby, or a puppy? Sometimes I get confused.

Controlling the Chaos

Having a baby is inherently chaotic. Having more than one must be even more so! Middle of the night diaper/sheets/PJ changes, little sleep, toys/junk everywhere… laundry to be done… food to be cooked/prepared… things can get a little *too* chaotic. Especially since “we” don’t like naps (I am not included in that “we”).

The "we" who doesn't like (long) naps...

So what can one do to keep the unnecessary chaos at bay? Well, when I find out I’ll let you know. A good nights sleep couldn’t hurt, and maybe a maid, but both are probably far off in the future (or my dreams?).

For now I’m trying two things: FLYing and meal planning! I got the meal planning idea from a blog I came across in my search for recipes (keeper of the home). In the past I’ve always scrambled to throw dinners together… the result? The same meals over and over again, and lots of convenience foods and unhealthy choices. No more! So any way, in the spirit of full disclosure (because what is more interesting than knowing what other people are eating and when…… ok a lot of things are more interesting), here are our meals for the week (we have a green salad with each meal too):

Monday: Squash Meatballs, sauteed veggies

Tuesday: Sausage ‘hash’ (sausages cooked with random veggies, grains, etc)

Wednesday: Shredded chicken tacos

Thursday: Salmon burgers, fries

Friday: Curry squash soup

Saturday: Burgers (gotta use that new BBQ!), fries

Sunday: Roast chicken, veggies

I’m just getting the hang of this, and I have to say, next week should be more interesting as I found an old collection of recipes I haven’t made in a while, like chilli, chana masala, etc. etc. And I’d like to plan lunches too, as thats one thing I struggle with, eating a proper healthy lunch (important for breastfeeding!). But we’ll start there and see where we go. Also should help keep the grocery budget at bay… fingers crossed!

Tags: budget, Controlling chaos, meal planning

The Rainy Day Blues

We had been having beautiful weather here: warm, sunny, but not to hot. It was about time because July was just the pits. Dylan and I had been enjoying it to the fullest, spending most waking moments outside playing in the grass and at the park. And our Mr. D LOVES being outside. If he’s being cranky, I just whisk him outside and voila! Instant happiness!

But the other day, we woke up, and it was still quite dark for 6:03am… and then I heard it. Not just pitter patters… torrential rain downpours… now, you think this might not get me down so much as it does rain a lot here, but we had big plans: running, grocery shopping, park, swings, grass… sunshine (sunscreen)…. But the rain threatened all that.

And I hate to admit it, but I pouted. I had to do my workout INSIDE (blech!), and poor Mr. D had to watch (ok he thinks it’s hilarious, so not that much of a hardship) instead of getting a nice morning ride in the stroller. To add insult to injury I fed him carrots and butternut squash for breakfast (both of which he doesn’t particularly care for).

As if to punish me, he only napped for 30 minutes (OK thats how long he usually naps for… but I was hoping for longer given the circumstances).

So I got him up, fed him, and then plunked him on his play mat with some toys and then I pouted some more. All of the things I would like to do on a rainy day to pass the time were impossible with a baby around! I just wanted to make tea, read a book, watch a movie… take a bath… I’ll be honest, I felt rather gypped. And then I went on Facebook, which made things worse, as it tends to do. There is something about Facebook that makes me feel like I’m missing out, like everyone else has something fun to do but I’m “stuck” at home doing “nothing.”

So there I am staring at my computer screen, pouting, wasting time on one of the most pointless websites ever… and there is my baby boy. Chewing on his blanket, staring at me, his eyes begging me to come and play with him. I stared back at him begrudgingly wishing I had an adult to talk to.

And then I realized something: I can pout as much as I like, I can complain, I can fight it… but this is my life! It will be a long time before I get to do what I want to do, whenever I want to do it. It’s time to buck up, be an adult, and move on. It’s time to re-define rainy days. It’s time to re-define LIFE for crying out loud!

So, in the spirit of re-definiton, we took a bath. There was a bit more splashing going on than I would normally find relaxing but Dylan LOVED it. He squealed and splashed and chewed on toys… and we both laughed when we got water in our face… and we stayed there till we had the wrinkliest feet ever and the water was cold.

And then we sprinted to the bedroom where we dove under the covers of what WAS a nicely made bed, and we played there, read books, and snuggled. Not quite like I would have ‘normally’ done it, as there was a bit more baby rolling and momma catching than would have previously taken place, and books were mostly chewed on rather than read, but it was fun none the less. A new way to spend rainy days. A deliciously precious way to spend rainy days.

I’ve realized the more I yearn for the past the less I will enjoy the present (I’m sure this is a lesson I will have to learn over and over and over). It’s time to silence my inner child and listen to the one that I gave birth to over 7 months ago. Wow, 7 months. I can’t believe we have come this far.

Tags: life, Love, Rainy Days, Re-definition